Trust me.. I feel your pain.
I agree- I think the Evo16G is a good option for you (I don't think the rebuilt VF40 is an option anymore). If you don't want to go through this again soon, make sure you nail down the oil system. Check your banjos etc.
You will need a tune with the new turbo, as the fueling tables will be different, along with wastegate, target boost, and so on. It's important to ensure the health of the motor.
Sounds like you're on the right track with the oil system. As far as the TMIC goes, I would replace it too, if it were me. But I think the "nuff-said" comment was intended to politely dismiss the fact that a FMIC is completely overkill on a 16G, even with all of the supporting mods like injectors etc. You're just going to create lag- try to find a nice TMIC, or check out BarManBean's bulletproof TMIC kit, buy an OEM TMIC, and be just fine.
My only other suggestion would be to check your uppipe for cracks at the base.