It was in fact the fusible link. I've dealt with them before on some old Toyotas, but I was used to all electrical devices passing through a large single master "oh shit" fuse. It was really confusing that certain features still had power, so I didn't even think it could be that.
In any case, it looked fine from the top with shiny clean terminals and it must have been flowing just a enough electrons to give my circuit tester an LED light on both terminals. However, I unbolted it and the bottom was covered in some flaky black stuff that almost looked like exhaust ceramic (corrosion?). I jumped the terminals with some pliers and things started working. Voila!
The ABS light is on now, so I'll look for codes when I get back in town.
Thanks for everybody's input and advice. Even with the possibilities that turned out to be fine, I know a little bit more about my car now.