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wonka

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About wonka

  • Birthday 03/24/1981

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  • Location
    Raleigh, NC
  • Car
    '05 LGT

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  • Skype
    pqa-williams
  • User Title
    sorry no golden ticket

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  1. No start, no crank this week. I was for sure thinking it was the starter since its been screeching for last few winters and I'm at 145k miles. Anyways last night I replaced the starter relay, starter.. and still wouldn't crank. I tried the jumper bypass on the clutch switch..nothing. I was calling it a night when I noticed the security light acting differently. I went inside and grabbed my other key.. and bam, mfer started up. So I guess when I go back to get my core deposit, I'll ask them about the key. I haven't been driving much at all, and I'm not sure if this key ever worked or became defective? It may of always been my backup key.. anyways wanted to post in case it helps someone else out.
  2. A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"
  3. "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" Dad: "See those 4 trees over there? an alcoholic would see eight." Son:"But Dad, I only see two."
  4. There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
  5. First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing'." After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl. Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud. Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. 'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole f*cking thing
  6. wonka

    Quotes???

    "When adversity strikes, that's when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on." --LL Cool J
  7. wonka

    Weird News

    Scientists say strange lights are most likely Aliens trying to contact us... http://www.aol.com/article/news/2016/10/26/astronomers-signals-space-alien-lifeforms-communicate-earth/21592195/
  8. A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic bliss had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage “Well it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the woman. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my mule stumbled. My husband quietly said, "that's once". We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more he said quietly, "that’s twice". We hadn’t gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time. He promptly removed a gun from his pocket and shot the mule. Well, of course, I started to protest over his treatment of the mule. He looked at me and quietly said, "that’s once"....
  9. I took the wife out last night... One punch is all it took.
  10. I Nearly Became A Doctor. When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are posting jokes via forums.
  11. I overdosed on viagra once, it was the hardest day of my life.
  12. Juan takes xanax to manage hispanic attacks.
  13. Gas Shortage in NC this week and was talking to a friend at work: "I'm heading to Henderson to find some gas." Friend: "Head toward Charlotte, I hear cops were giving it away free last night."
  14. What's Hillary's favorite pizza? Little Seizures.
  15. wonka

    Weird News

    http://dangerousminds.net/content/uploads/images/made/content/uploads/images/spocjsdfsdfsdfsdf_465_216_int.jpg Bank of Canada is pleading with Star Trek fans to stop “Spocking” its five dollar bills. Since Leonard Nimoy’s death, Canadian folks have been “Spocking” the hell out of the five dollar bill that features a portrait of Canada’s seventh prime minister Sir Wilfrid Laurier. Sir Wilfrid now sports, on certain bills at least, pointy ears, the signature Vulcan haircut and eyebrows and Spock’s mantra “Live long and prosper.” According to Bank of Canada it’s not illegal to do this but: “...However, there are important reasons why it should not be done. Writing on a bank note may interfere with the security features and reduces its lifespan. Markings on a note may also prevent it from being accepted in a transaction. Furthermore, the Bank of Canada feels that writing and markings on bank notes are inappropriate as they are a symbol of our country and a source of national pride.” http://dangerousminds.net/comments/bank_of_canada_urges_star_trek_fans_to_stop_spocking_their_fivers
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